


I don't want a man like you

by AthenaKb



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Minor Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-07 22:02:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaKb/pseuds/AthenaKb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It has been two months since Kurt wakes up in the same bed at least twice a week, a bed that doesn’t belong to him, but he has always felt like it is, like it smells of something you would never want to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I’m happy to publish my first story in English here (thanks to EdyFerrone for translation). This story was inspired by the Kurtbastian week 2012 that brought Kurtbastian in my life. I hope you like my story that is complete in Italian, it only needs to be translate.  
> I don’t even know what to say, so I’ll leave you to the chapter. Have fun!

**Chapter 1**

 

It has been two months since Kurt wakes up in the same bed at least twice a week, a bed that doesn’t belong to him, but he has always felt like it is, like it smells of something you would never want to let go. It’s something that tastes terribly like sex and _him_.

He turns slowly under the sheets, a gorgeous still naked man beside him.

Tonight they’ve made an exception to their rules because Kurt never sleeps here, he always goes back home not to make his dad worry and not to arouse suspicion also. Yet tonight he hasn’t been able of leaving to go home, he has made up an excuse and stayed.

He begins to stroke gently at the boy’s perfect back still wondering how it’s possible that he has chosen him.

Kurt doesn’t want to wake him, but he can’t help but touch him when they’re alone and they can let go.

They always have to pretend, but never when they’re between these four walls. This awkward something, born by chance, has proved to be their salvation and their condemnation at the same time, but Kurt would give up on everything for him, though probably the other boy would never do the same.

It has been about ten minutes when Sebastian also decides to wake up. Kurt has thought he’s been sleeping, but actually he has pretended all the time just to enjoy his attentions.

"Good morning …" Kurt whispers in his ear, kissing him gently on his neck.

"Why don’t you sleep here all the time?" Sebastian asks, his voice still thick with sleep, turning to the boy at his side.

“I’d have never thought you’d love sharing your bed with someone - Kurt answers while still stroking his skin gently - at least not to sleep."

"I love waking up with you purring at me, no doubt about it."

Kurt smiles, he can’t help it.

Sebastian hardly loses it for moments of sweetness like this. Maybe the night they’ve spent together has changed something inside him, or maybe it’s just a way to appease Kurt, as usual; in any case Kurt decides to take advantage of it, he can’t really miss this chance.

They still cuddle for a while without caring about anything except themselves, their emotions, their needs.

They were exchanging some light kisses when Kurt’s phone throbs, twice, and he breaks away from the Warbler to see who’s searching for him: the first text is from his father.

Since he has confessed to his father about the first time with Blaine, Burt had become a bit more permissive, knowing there wouldn’t have been no need to keep Kurt locked at home, since it had already happened.

So Kurt often uses his boyfriend as an excuse to go to Sebastian’s place. _Dad, I’m going to Blaine’s_ is the typical sentence Kurt leaves his house with in the evening, after dinner, to get to his lover’s.

Kurt hates it that he has to lie to his father, to Blaine and mostly that he uses him as a lame excuse. The problem is that none of his friends would have supported his secret affair with Sebastian and then no one would ever agree to cover it. In addition, the girls often call at his house, maybe just because they need Finn or something, and if they do, it would be a disaster.

Blaine instead never calls because, even though he’s now having a good time at McKinley, he has failed to establish a real friendship with someone and he still goes out with the Warblers.

Kurt is terrified to check who the second text is from, but he knows perfectly who the sender is before he reads it.

Seeing his uncertainty, Sebastian decides to delay a little the moment when he would return to be _the perfect asshole_ and he gently strokes Kurt’s back to give him courage.

He knows now how difficult it is for him to find texts from his boyfriend who’s completely unaware of what Kurt is doing. Kurt isn’t a bad person, he’s not like Sebastian. He really feels bad for Blaine and each time his soul aches when he wonders how it is possible that he himself is doing so much to hurt a person _he loves_.

Sebastian doesn’t understand why he hasn’t broken up with Blaine yet, it’s a discussion that often pops up between them, but Kurt stills argue that this would be the last time; that his boyfriend is his only certainty and Sebastian means nothing.

Obviously he’s going to be there again the following day, ten o'clock in the evening, in front of the door of Sebastian’s house, and they’ll end up having sex for hours like every single time.

_Good morning baby. If you want to, see you in Lima Bean in about an hour, I wanted to talk to you._

Blaine wants to talk to him. But he seems quiet, he has called him _baby_. It’s not going to be anything serious, he’s sure about it.

_Good morning to you too. All right we'll catch up to the Lima Bean._

He reads the text; there’s something that sounds out of tune. It’s cold, set up, Blaine definitely would have asked if there’s something wrong because Kurt’s texts are hardly so lacking of affection.

"Kurt, do it," he hears Sebastian’s voice of inciting him, he knows what he means, but he can’t take it. He can’t be so shameless.

"Bastian, I can’t." He turns to the boy, and sees him lifting an eyebrow wearing the face of someone who is wondering if you're kidding. "Okay." Kurt says, sighing. He picks up the phone and adds, "I love you.", It seems the worst thing in the world right now.

Then, without he even realizes it, Kurt’s face is becoming slightly sad. He doesn’t want to leave Sebastian, doesn’t want to leave the house, because out of that door there’s the world, there’re real problems.

“I’m heading to Scandals tonight.” Sebastian says, surprising Kurt.

“Since when have you started needing a permission for that?” Kurt turns to him a little nervously.

He hates it that Sebastian goes there, he hates knowing that he is going to take to the bathroom a nice guy he’s met on the dance floor, he hates finding signs of kisses and bites on his body the next day, signs that aren’t his own. Kurt knows, however, that this irritated tone whenever Sebastian mentions it is all he can do, because they’re not together, and even if they were a couple, it wouldn’t change anything, that’s just how Sebastian is.

“I'm not asking for permission. It was a simple statement.” Sebastian answers then, now that he’s find out Kurt’s jealousy. If he had been a different person, he’d probably avoid telling him whenever he goes to Scandals, but he loves seeing him angry, possessive, and jealous.

Well, it’s still his precious gay face after all, so it’s spontaneous for Sebastian to be a bitch to him.

“Okay.” Kurt snaps coldly. Without even looking at Sebastian, he gets out of bed and adds “I’m gonna take a shower.” He would have wanted to add also _to pull off your smell from my skin_ , but he takes it back because he knows that could have give Sebastian to chance to pull out a series of unnecessary jokes from the boy still lying in bed.

“You have no idea how much I love your body ... you're so perfect.” Hearing these words, Kurt turns to Sebastian who’s watching him, licking his lips, hungrily.

Thanks to Sebastian, Kurt has let go. He’s not ashamed to walk around the room naked; he has taken more awareness about how physically attractive he is.

Unfortunately, even Blaine has noticed this change in him and he has been surprised, but fortunately he’s never suspected anything.

Sebastian has made him feel like a true man for the first time, he’s been able to drop the mask of the good and a little clumsy kid. Maybe it’s the reason why after the first time he has succumbed to Sebastian’s lure, he hasn’t been able to give up on it anymore.

As Sebastian never ceases to remind him, he has made him a "little pervert". Kurt just thinks he has managed to get unstuck in front of a man who demonstrates him how exciting he is, worshiping his body, looking at him like he’s a Greek god statue.

Kurt doesn’t answer Sebastian’s words, but he just to shakes his head and blushes slightly as usual, looking down and giggling. This embarrassment from these words is probably the only thing that has left from the old Kurt ‘baby penguin’ Hummel.

He quickly takes a shower, hoping that the smell doesn’t stay on him.

Returning to the room, now dressed, he finds Sebastian still lying in his bed. He is beautiful; it’s the only thing that Kurt can think of. His smooth skin, his thin but tremendously carved body that gives him that masculine look; these green eyes which complement the beauty of a look that always seems to be saying "I’m the best."

Kurt doesn’t want to get caught while staring at him so he turns to the mirror and pretends to fix his hair, doesn’t want to give this guy the satisfaction of seeing him adoringly. Kurt doesn’t realize when Sebastian comes up from behind and hugs him leaning on his back. Kurt sighs softly at the contact, and brings his head back, so that Sebastian can kiss him without making him turn.

After these small effusions, they stay there staring at their image in the mirror for a few seconds: Kurt is now fully pressed with his back on the other boy’s chest and Sebastian rests his chin on Kurt’s shoulder and hugs him from behind.

“Kurt …”

“Hmm?”

“Tell me again … why?”

Kurt opens his eyes to enjoy better his lover's body against his own. He takes advantage of the mirror to be able to look into his eyes and say to him:

“Because Blaine is my only certainty and I can’t lose him, while you’re unreliable, you don’t love me and you never will. I need a man who is mine only, and you wouldn’t be mine.”

Sebastian's face doesn’t change at all. By now he is used to hearing this speech. He has heard it whenever he’s asked Kurt to leave his boyfriend, maybe selfishly because he knows that having Kurt all to himself wouldn’t change his lifestyle anyway. However, he has decided not to say anything to Blaine about their meetings although he still wonders why.

“I have to go or I'll be late. We’ll catch up.” Kurt says, stopping the flow of thoughts going throw their minds both. He pulls away from Sebastian and plants a soft kiss on his cheek before heading out the door.

/

The trip is short-lived because the Lima Bean is a little more than ten minutes away from the house that Sebastian has bought when he has transferred to Dalton. He doesn’t want to live in the dorms of the school.

As Kurt enters, he immediately sees his boyfriend greeting him with his hand; he has also ordered his latte already.

“Hi ...” Blaine greets him with a smile. Kurt smiles back and kisses him on the cheek, putting the mask of the perfect boyfriend on again now as he is forced to do so since he has started his secret sex dates with Sebastian.

“So … what did you want to tell me that couldn’t wait?”

“Kurt, I don’t know what to start with ...”

“Baby, try and start from the beginning ...” Kurt replies ironically but sweetly, taking his hand to let him know that whatever he is going to tell him, Kurt is there for him. These are moments he feels so strongly tied to Blaine that he just knows he can’t leave him, even though he also knows that sooner or later he will have to reveal his double life to his boyfriend. He’s been aware of it since the beginning.

“I’ve made a choice, but just …. Don’t get mad at me …”

“Blaine, you're scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Blaine is terrified to say this mysterious thing to Kurt; he can see it in his eyes.

He takes a long sip from his cappuccino with the hand that is not trapped between Kurt's fingers and then replies in one breath.

“I’m going back to Dalton.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'll leave you quickly to the chapter 'cause I don't know what to say about it. (The truth is that usually I don't know what to write in the note XD). So, I hope that you like this second chapter and that you'll let me know something about it! 
> 
> Ps: Thanks so so much EdyFerrone for the translation and betaing. I love u!

**Chapter 2 A man for whom I'm the one**

 

"What does it that you’re going back to Dalton?" 

Of course Blaine doesn’t know how to drop a bomb in a less traumatic way. 

"Kurt, you know that I’ve moved to Mckinley only because I love you. I wouldn’t have left Dalton otherwise." 

Here again, the sense of guilt clenching in Kurt’s stomach: Blaine had done so much for him, he had left his friends to be with him, and what has Kurt given him in return? His nights with Sebastian? 

Without thinking, he nods to him so that Blaine can continue his speech; he isn’t disappointed, he’s just seriously curious to know what is going through Blaine’s head. 

"I miss the guys. I’ve been used at having them around all day for more than a year. I can’t stand seeing them only on the weekends when Dalton gives them the chance to." 

Kurt doesn’t know what to say. 

He knew this was going to happen sooner or later because Blaine loves the Warblers and the rest of the guys. He’s possibly even more egocentric than Kurt and he’s given up his role as the lead of the acapella group; it’s been a quite relevant effort. He’s gone from being a sort of rock star, loved and respected by everybody along the hallways of Dalton Academy, to a rejection of society, in a high school in which his only luck is that hasn’t been slushie in the face yet, at least not by the Titans. 

"Blaine, it’s ok. You can go back to Dalton if you want. I know it costs you a lot to stay away from the boys. I had to leave my friends too last year and I know how hard it can be. And also – he adds without even thinking - you shouldn’t need my permission to decide what you have to do with your life." 

What the hell is he saying? Blaine’s his boyfriend; it’s obvious that he should be affected by his life, his choices. He really hopes that Blaine hasn’t noticed this addition too much. Obviously, however, Blaine is always the same kind of boy, attentive to details, especially if it’s about Kurt. 

"Baby, you're kidding, right? Of course I need your support at least, especially for a decision that could change our relationship, the time we spend together." 

"You're right - Kurt replies smiling - but I just want you to be happy, Blaine. I can give up on seeing you everyday if this will give you the opportunity to be better-off." 

With this sentence Kurt knows he has resolved all doubts about his impending madness that had gripped Blaine in the seconds that preceded that answer, but it’s true now: he does no longer feel as if his boyfriend needs his permission for something, it’s like as if they’re living two parallel lives, so Blaine can’t obviously understand the reason for some words or discussions. It always seems to him as if Kurt doesn’t pay too much attention to it. 

"Have you told the others already?" Kurt asks, starting to think about how the New Directions would react at the news. 

"Not yet, I have to find a way to tell them without getting killed." 

"C’mon Blaine, why would they kill you?" Kurt says, giggling. 

Blaine takes a deep breath. How could Kurt not get it? 

"Kurt, if I'm going, New Direction will need a new member at least. You'll have to find someone to replace me, and your school is not full of people who can’t wait to join the glee club." 

In fact, Kurt hasn’t thought about it and that’s really a big problem. Without Blaine they’d be just the right number for Nationals and not having any eventual replacement could be a problem in a group like them in which the threat of leaving the club is around the corner every day. 

"Look, we'll take care of that. You've already done so much for everyone. Think about yourself now." 

"I love you." 

Okay, this is too much: Kurt can’t answer to his boyfriend, he loves him, _he does_ , but doesn’t love him _that way maybe_ or at least not as he did before, and definitely not enough; he wouldn’t have done what he’s still doing if it had been otherwise. So, to avoid arousing suspicion or having to give explanations, he quickly moves toward Blaine, looks around, hoping no one is staring at them, and then places a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s lips. 

Blaine’s mouth, unfortunately for Kurt, has always been a drug for him and, despite all, it still has a good hold on him. 

After having spent a few hours wandering around the park near the Lima Bean they decide to part ways. In fact, Kurt hasn’t stopped to look at the time, not even for a second: his dad’s questions for his delays are the last thing he needs right now. 

Beginning to walk down the street, alone, Kurt starts thinking about Blaine, about Sebastian, about his friends if they’d ever known about his double life, his family, and then he realizes he has to make a decision. 

He can’t be with Blaine any longer, he’s destroying him. 

He knows that he can’t give up on Sebastian, his hands, his smell. 

The problem is that Sebastian isn’t no one’s man, let alone his. 

If he breaks up with Blaine, he can freely meet the lover whenever he wants to, but he’s not going to have a person who loves him this way, because Sebastian Smythe doesn’t love, doesn’t plan on anything and he isn’t tied to anyone; but there’s something about him that occasionally explodes, as this morning (cuddles and kisses) and makes Kurt believe that he could be able to create something that is more than just a regular hooking up relationship. This thought, however, is probably going to be shattered the next day when Kurt might see the signs of a night spent with another guy on his body and Sebastian would never give up on this for anyone. 

It’s his life and he lives it the more he can. 

Kurt He climbs in the bathroom of his room, then decides to get ready for a hot bath that maybe would help him relaxing a little. 

Once in the room, and strips in front of the mirror until he’s fully naked, and he realizes a small purple sign on his hip: he really needs to tell Sebastian to keep it down, because it’s way too evident; and yet he doesn’t really dislike it and if it weren’t for Blaine, he would walk around shirtless just to show the world the signs that this wonderful man leaves on his body, signs of their passion, memories of Sebastian worshipping his body, and when there’s nothing but his lips and of his teeth. 

When he’s finally sunk in the tank, hot water surrounding him, he feels like a new man; in the meantime, he had sent a text to Rachel and told her to call an extraordinary reunion for tomorrow in the afternoon because he and Blaine are going to talk to everyone. 

As he waits for his friend to answer him, maybe trying to get some news and details as usual, he gets another text on his iphone: the sender is **_Timon_**. 

_Hey, sunshine, have you managed to fool Blaine around today?_

Kurt feels himself sinking: Sebastian always has this incredible power to make him feel like shit. 

He realizes that he doesn’t feel like texting, even if he doesn’t know why, so he starts the call with the intention of sending him to hell. 

"Fuck you." Kurt says as soon as the Warbler answers the call without giving him anytime to say anything. 

"How delicate, my little flower." 

"Bas just stop. ‘m not in the mood." 

"Really? Can I ask why? " 

"No, you can’t, and in any case you wouldn’t even care, so." 

"Kurt - Kurt hears him sigh through the phone - I don’t like to waste my time so you know if I ask you something, it’s because I’m interested." 

"Blaine is going back to Dalton." 

"And ...?" 

"And … tomorrow we’re going to tell everyone and I'm trying to figure out how to drop the bomb in a delicate way, just not as he’s told _me_ today." 

"I understand. Well I think I would have enjoyed this a while ago, but since we’ve lost Regional, I haven’t got any interests in destroying you now." 

"I guess." 

Suddenly Sebastian pauses, it seems like he’s heard something interesting; Kurt takes the chance to shift a little in the tub and get more comfortable. 

"Is this the sound of water?" 

"Yes ... I'm in the bathtub I needed a bath." 

"Hmmm ... I wish you were here, naked and wet." 

Kurt's eyes widen immediately. 

Given the amount of sex they have doing during the week, neither of them has ever felt the need for phone sex, but it seems just what Sebastian is trying to start right now. 

"Sebastian ..." Kurt tries to get his attention: he doesn’t like this kind of games; he prefers real contact, when there’s no need to say dirty forced stuff on the phone to get hot and feel like the other person is nearby. 

"I so wanna touch you right now, Kurt ...." 

At these words, however, Kurt feels blood flow from his brain to another very specific part of his body; he just hates how easy it is for Sebastian to turn him on. 

"Touch me." Kurt says without thinking, giving up to Sebastian’s desires that are slowly becoming his too. 

"Babe, think about my mouth, where do you want it?" 

"On my cock ... you're here and you're sucking me off." 

"Touch me." Sebastian says it this time while the sudden grip on his cock becomes stronger and tighter, just as Kurt’s. 

"I want you Bastian. Fuck me, _please_." 

"Think about my fingers fucking you, getting you ready for my cock." 

Kurt groans slightly. The guy on the other end of the phone can clearly hear the noise from his hand moving underwater. 

"Please, I want to feel you fucking hard into me. Just say you want me …" 

"God yes ... you have no idea how much I want you … Kurt, imagine me inside you. I'm thrusting hard and fast, pounding that gorgeous little ass of yours ... I know you like it." 

"Yes! Please, fuck me harder." Now they’re both close, they know it. 

"Come for me, Kurt." 

At these words Kurt doesn’t longer as he’s shouting Sebastian’s name; that’s enough to make Sebastian come too, Kurt’s name fading into his panting. 

"Thank you, babe." Sebastian says once that he’s managed to catch his breath. 

"Thanks to you." Kurt says, smiling. 

"Kurt, I must leave you, gotta go out." 

 _Oh right, his night at the Scandals_ , Kurt thinks. He doesn’t exactly know why, but he finds himself doing something he’d never want to do, to ask for something that he’d never want to ask. 

"Would it bother you if I came with you?" 

"Kurt, babe, do I need to remind you that you just came with me?” Kurt looks up at the ceiling. As usual, the nasty Sebastian bitch takes over everything. 

"Bas, quit the stupid jokes, it’s totally bad taste irony. I’ve asked you a serious question." 

"It’s a free gay bar, babe." 

"Yeah, I know. But I meant … going _with you_." 

"Kurt ..." 

"Yeah, okay, I understand." Kurt says, sighing. He knows what Sebastian means and he should have expected it. In the end, Sebastian is always Sebastian, Kurt can’t expect anything more than their usual meetings for them. 

"Babe, will I see you tomorrow? Want to stay for the night?" 

The veil of hope that he hears in Sebastian’s voice stops Kurt from telling him to go to hell, and the bipolarity of the boy is still an unresolved mystery. 

"I'll see ... I’ll text you, eventually. Have a good evening." 

"You too." 

With these words, he hangs off the phone. 

Kurt comes out of the tug and gets dressed quickly; he puts on his pajamas and sits on his bed with his legs crossed and his face buried into his hands. 

After what has happened in the bathroom he finds himself in his room, alone, once again. Suddenly he thinks that this would be his life if he breaks up with Blaine to devote himself completely to his lover. 

He would be alone at night waiting for his return, maybe having to listen to the whole today-‘s-hook-up-story without saying or doing anything because Sebastian had made it clear that he is like this and that what Kurt can see is already the full extent of their relationships, nothing more than that. 

Thinking, Kurt realizes that it’s not the life he wants: he wants someone who really loves him that is there for him when he needs someone for whom he’s the only one. 

"I gotta talk to Sebastian," he says to himself and then decides to go to sleep. 

Tomorrow is definitely going to be a long day.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi everyone!   
> After a month I’m back with a new chapter and I hope you’ll like it! This part of story is a sort of a flashback to explore Kurt and Sebastian’s past, but you’ll understand that as you read! As usual I don’t know what to say about the chapter, so read it and if you want tell me what you think about that, do it please! So much love :)   
> Ps: Thanks so much to EdyFerrone for the translation.  
> Beta: Amanda908565.

Those signs, those damn signs, again. Kurt can’t keep himself and his eyes begin to water uncontrollably ... He can’t do this anymore.

He’s been at Sebastian’s the next morning, he wants to talk and Sebastian is going to listen.

And then every certainty has broken when the boy has opened his door shirtless, showing off some of those dark marks that Kurt hates so much, a sign that Sebastian isn’t and is never going to belong to him. Tears have run on his face, but Sebastian hasn’t noticed anything obviously.

Three months ago ...

Kurt is in the hospital. He has just accompanied his boyfriend after he’s got slushied in the face to protect him from the crappy meerkat. He shouldn’t have, especially not to defend his clothes. Maybe, after the fight they during the last days because of Sebastian, Blaine has as if he had to do something to prove to Kurt that he is the one that matters in his life.

He’s in the waiting room. Blaine is still in the emergency room for analysis, and he’s really hoping it isn’t anything too serious.

"How is she?" Kurt suddenly hears a voice behind him breaking the silence. A voice he knows too well.

"What the hell are you doing here, you asshole?"

"Shut up, gay face, we're in a fucking hospital."

"It's your fault!" Kurt doesn’t lower his voice because he is angry and also because no one gives him orders, especially Sebastian.

"Listen, I overreacted, okay ... but, just … get a grip."

"My boyfriend is stuck in the emergency room, I don’t know what’s up with his eyes. I had to carry him because he couldn’t do anything but scream in pain and you're telling me that I have to keep it down!"

Kurt begins to cry without even realizing. It’s anger, pain, the hatred he feels for the bitch who has played with his man and then hurt, and to even run away. He’s no longer able to control himself and begins to accompany his words broken by tears with his fists closed on the chest of the Warbler. "You're ... a ... bastard ... I hate you …"

Sebastian had seen him irritated, angry and nervous, before and all of this was because of him lately; he had seen him happy when he was with Blaine, but he had never seen him like this. Kurt looks torn.

He has broken Kurt Hummel, the unbearable prima donna who’s the only one who stands up to him. He must be proud of himself. But it’s really strange to see him like this.

"Kurt ..." Sebastian calls him to make him stop, to get his attention. The tone of voice that he’s using today is strange, it has no signs of scorn, derision, or hatred; it’s kind, it is for the first time. 

Sebastian takes Kurt's wrists and holds them tight, attached to his own chest, to prevent him from beating him and then tells him (approaching much more than Kurt would never have agreed if it wasn’t totally shocked), "I just wanted to stain your clothes, make you angry, I always do that. I didn’t want to hurt Blaine ... and not even you. I swear. So now try to think for a second and stop acting like a little girl. You're a grown up man. Prove it. Wipe your tears and go to ask for Blaine ... staying here is unnecessary and unnerving."

Kurt nods weakly wiping his tears, almost at the point of unconsciousness.

"Ok let's go ..."

"Great, gay face." Sebastian replies, earning a fist on his shoulder. Kurt can fucking hurt if he wants to.

When they find the doctor, he explains Blaine’s conditions. He says he has tried with little success to contact his parents so Blaine is going to stay there until someone will come to pick him up; in the meantime they could keep him company, but they don’t have to tire him.

"I'm going. Blaine is probably angry at me, I don’t want to make him more upset than he already is."

"You really don’t know Blaine. I think he’s the least angry human being in the world, especially when it comes to you."

They both giggle at that last sentence.

Sebastian finally decides to go and Kurt has a strange feeling waving on, that maybe Sebastian isn’t that much of a bitch.

The following week ...

Sebastian is walking on the side of the road, looking angry. Suddenly he hears a horn sound behind him.

Is it possible that with all the people who could go by car, he has to look into that gay face? Fate can be weird at times.

"Hey how much?" Kurt yells out the window laughing.

"A blowjob? 50$, 300 if you need a good fuck ..."

"You’re expensive ... How come you’re not driving your car?"

"I’ve destroyed and wrecked it. Anyway, mind your own business, I don’t need your help."

Kurt looks up at the sky. How does Sebastian manage to always be so hateful?

"Listen, I’ll do you a favor just because today I’m not in the mood to argue, so stop walking." Sebastian stops and so does Kurt’s car, next to him.

"We can hook your car to mine and drive it to my dad’s shop. At least you won’t walk to Dalton since it’s, like, ten kilometers from here."

Sebastian looks like he’s thinking about it. He can get help from the little bitch and avoid a dozen of kilometers by foot, or he can act like a jerk, but that would mean walking home and getting there all destroyed with the car still the parking lot where he’s left it.

"Ok." He says, and Kurt smiles.

"Alright then jumps in." Sebastian does with no second thought. It’s better to avoid complaining; otherwise the bitch is going to throw him out of the window, he is sure about it.

"Anyway, nice car Hummel."

"Is this a joke or a compliment?"

"A compliment ... you’re so distrustful."

"Thanks then," Kurt says finally.

"That’s the one ..." Sebastian says, leaning out the window to point at his.

"It’s bigger than mine!" Kurt says astonished. In fact, his car is already quite big, but his father has preferred to buy him that because it was safer.

Kurt stops the car in front of Sebastian’s.

"There are many things that I’ve got bigger than you, Hummel, don’t be surprised." Sebastian says as he gets out of the car.

"Like your ego?"

He has done it again. Every time Sebastian thinks he has closed any discussion with a sharp comment that could silence him, Kurt always manages to snap back. Kurt doesn’t let him win easily and weirdly Sebastian likes it.

However, he can’t help but chuckle and he doesn’t answer Kurt, because if he does, he knows they’re gonna go on for hours and there’s something more urgent to do, like taking his car away.

After half a hour they manage to get to the Hummel-Hudsons’.

Burt looks at Sebastian with like he wants to pull out a gun and shoot him on sight. It’s probably because he cares a lot about Blaine and the fact that he’s still recovering because of that boy doesn’t help.

Kurt tries to ignore his dad’s hatred and explains the situation then deciding to put the car in the workshop and avoid further contact with the boy.

Kurt goes to help his father. Meanwhile, Sebastian finds himself admiring the house, obviously smaller than his, but that seems to heat everything even from the outside; the lawn seems to tell abut the afternoons Burt and his stepson spend placing the plants and cutting the grass while Kurt and his stepmother prepare snacks and lemonade for everybody.

Suddenly Kurt’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

"Dad said you can pick it up next week."

"Ok. Thank you. "

Kurt winces comically at these words, so surprised that at first Sebastian doesn’t understand what it is about; then he adds, "Sebastian Smythe thanking me ... I’ll have to remember this day." He says, then starts laughing.

"Fuck you, gay face."

"You’re always so kind. However are you going to drive back home now?"

Sebastian isn’t the kind of guy who asks for help, but he’s almost twenty miles from home and by now the buses will pass every two hours, and then, Sebastian Smythe doesn’t really feel like taking a bus. Ew, awful.

"Could you ..." He tries to say pointing to Kurt’s car.

"Okay, but let's move. I have to be home for dinner."

The car ride is quiet, too much maybe. It seems that Kurt is embarrassed by the situation, and he actually is. The two of them being kind to each other it’s humanly inconceivable. They hate each other.

One week later

Blaine can see again. Kurt is happy although he feels a little disappointed because once again he hadn’t spent Valentine’s Day like he wanted. He had expected something, even stupid like a bouquet of flowers at school, nothing complicated. Blaine just didn’t think it was important. Well, they have been together for a year after all, so Kurt, himself, knows that the most of these things are just silly.

The night before the last rehearsal for Regionals Kurt is out jogging. He wants to get free of the anger. He had met the meerkat again at Lima Bean and the jerk had personally apologized to Blaine and then had begun to mock Kurt with his usual catchphrases. Seriously, he doesn’t have a lot of imagination, he always ends up joking about the same things.

He runs because he is angry, nervous, and anything he had before Blaine, now, however, he’s part of the problem, so Kurt doesn’t feel like creating unnecessary discussions.

If fate wants to punish you, it does it fast and all of a sudden, so he finds himself in front of the last person he wants to see.

“Hey princess. Trying to work on your hips?”

Kurt just jogs and doesn’t answer. When he thinks he’s left Sebastian behind him and he’s already feeling proud about himself because he hasn’t snapped back, he feels him tugging at his arm, making him spin until they’re face to face.

“What do you want from me?” 

“Woah, you’re angry. Are you on your period?” 

“I’m not. Are you?”

Snap. Once again. Who does Sebastian think he’s dealing with?

“Get lost, Sebastian. I’ve got a run to complete.” 

Kurt goes back to running, leaving Sebastian standing with his mouth wide open, frustrated and curious to know where does this annoying little boy come from.

The next day …

Sebastian is walking to the Warblers’ choir room when he hears a voice, a soft humming coming from there. Someone is singing.

He stops on the threshold not to interrupt this chant until he sees Kurt standing up from a chair. He can only see his back from here, but still, he recognizes him immediately.

It’s Kurt singing.

He has already heard him before, but it’s been nothing like that. He’s wearing the Dalton blazer. Probably, Blaine’s – who’s sitting besides Jeff - and Kurt have sneaked in wearing the uniform to not get noticed.

Kurt is singing, slowly, a song Sebastian knows. When the refrain starts, he manages to recognize Defying Gravity from Wicked.

Kurt moves slowly between the sofas and the charmed faces of their friends.

It’s probably the blazer which makes him look good, or at least that’s what Sebastian wants to think, because Kurt looks handsome right now. He has underestimated him before. When he turns, Sebastian just stares at the way his pants show his ass; such a good one, he has to admit. 

And yet, even though he looks wonderful now, all that Sebastian can think of is his voice.

It doesn’t sound human. If he has to compare that to something, he would say Kurt sounds just like an angel.

He doesn’t attend the meeting of the Warblers, he can’t do it. As soon as it gets over, Sebastian gets a text: “Sebastian, how come you weren’t there today? Blaine and Kurt came to visit. You should have listen to Kurt singing …”

That evening …

“We meet again …”

Kurt is seriously thinking about adding the park to the list of places he can’t go to anymore if he doesn’t want to listen to his voice.

“Sebastian …” He says and tries to keep running. Sebastian stops him again by his arm, just as he did last time.

“Hey, stop. You look pretty in your undershirt …”

What the hell is he thinking? Sebastian complimenting him? Kurt really doesn’t not how to snap back this time.

Sebastian notices, so he just goes on.

“I was hoping I would find you here … I heard you singing today.”

Kurt’s eyes open widely as he can’t believe what Sebastian has just said.

“Your voice is …”

“Annoying, girlish, ridiculous …”

“You sound like an angel.” Sebastian stops him and moves closer to him while his fingers are still tightly wrapped around Kurt’s arm. 

Kurt still doesn’t know what to say, what to answer. In Sebastian’s eyes there’s something he has never seen before and he doesn’t understand what it is. The way he is staring at him though, the way Sebastian’s eyes are linked to is, it’s so unbelievably crazy.

“I …” Kurt tries to answer but Sebastian puts his finger on his lips.

“Shh just … don’t say anything.” He says and shifts closer until their mouths are pressed together.

Kurt stiffens immediately, but slowly he lets go to those lips because weirdly they’re everything he needs right now.

When they pull away, they just stop and stare until Kurt hides his face into the crook of Sebastian’s neck, shame warming his cheeks suddenly.

“Are you going to tell Blaine about this?” He asks, still hidden there. 

Sebastian is stunned at the hug. He isn’t used to hugging people but something in the voice of the boy his holding now makes him give up. So he grabs Kurt by his hips and pulls him closer; he starts brushing Kurt’s hair since Hummel doesn’t look like he’s about to pull off.

There’s no need for words: Kurt knows that Sebastian isn’t going to tell anything. That hug is enough for him to think so.

Suddenly though, Kurt pulls back from the hold, and, as if he’s suddenly realized what he’s done, he just runs away without adding anything. Sebastian just stands there, looking as Kurt runs, with a smile on his face: the things this little bitch is doing to him.

Some weeks pass before Kurt can surrender at the idea that he has happened and that he feels something. He has been able to look normal in front of the others, even Blaine. His boyfriend doesn’t suspect anything.

But he wants Sebastian.

He cries every night because this isn’t right, he loves Blaine, Blaine is his boyfriend, he’s happy with him, but still there’s something that is pushing him towards Sebastian.

The things this asshole is doing to him.

Eventually, he decides to take his car one night and drive to Sebastian’s house. He has memorized the path when he has driven home that day after the car crack.

He knocks at the door as strong as he can.

When Sebastian opens the door, Kurt throws himself at him and kisses him. The taste of this mouth, he would have recognized it anyway. As he leans to Sebastian’s neck, the warbler grabs his hips and lifts him from the pavement to carry him inside.

It’s the first time they make love. Because it isn’t just sex and they both know it and are afraid.

They haven’t stopped since that day.

/

“Kurt, what’s wrong?” Sebastian asks, surprised when he sees him crying.

“Could you wear something, please?” 

Sebastian looks at him awkwardly, then looks down and sees the signs on his own body and understands. He suddenly feels angry because he doesn’t want to be judged. He just fucks around with whoever he wants and Kurt can really stop him from doing it.

“I’m not yours.” He answers coldly.

“You always say that.”

“So why are you crying about these?” Sebastian asks meanly, pointing at every sign on his body, signs that don’t belong to the boy standing in front of him.

“Because every time you just make me believe that you want me, that I’m supposed to leave Blaine and stay with you, then you just go out at Scandals and fuck some stranger and you don’t even hide it. You show it proudly to me.” Kurt is now yelling, unable to control himself. “I’m choosing Blaine. I’ll tell him about us and if he still wants me I’ll be his. If he doesn’t, I’ll understand but I won’t come back to you. I’ve put myself on the line for you, and what did you do for me?”

“I want you to calm down and listen to me.”

“I don’t want to listen to your bullshit anymore! I don’t want you anymore!”

At these words, Sebastian does something he had never thought he could do to Kurt: he hits him hard on his cheek with a punch, so hard that Kurt falls painfully to the ground before he can realize it.

Kurt’s eyes give him the same look they’ve given him that day at the hospital, after Sebastian had slushied Blaine: he looks angry and wrecked.

Kurt doesn’t fight back.

He does nothing like what Sebastian was expecting.

He just stands up, fix his clothes and walks of the room.

Sebastian stays there, paralyzed for his own gesture: he is a bitch, he surely is, but he doesn’t hit people, especially Kurt. 

Before he can realize it, he is sitting on the floor, legs pressed against his chest and forehead on his knees as he starts to cry.

As soon as Kurt walks out of the door, his phone throbs.

It’s a text from Blaine: “Baby, you weren’t at school today. Is everything okay? Rachel and the others are meeting up in half a hour, I though you would have been there.”

Kurt can almost hear the sound of disappointment in this text.

“Sorry, I was just too tired, so dad let me stay at home. I’ll be there soon. I wouldn’t leave you alone with Rachel and Santana.” And before he can think he adds: “I love you.”

For the first time after months, he knows it’s true.


	4. chapter 4

**Chapter 4: confession**

 

There are two things that Kurt has to do before he meets Blaine: the first is to find a plausible excuse for that black bruise, the second is to understand how to start talking about it without the tragic and indelicate "baby, it's been two months that I've been fucking with Sebastian, hope it doesn't bother you.

The second point is going to be by far the most difficult thing.

The drive to his high school is faster than he has expected. He's already more than ten minutes late, but luckily his friends won't surely ask questions because they're accustomed to worse delays.

He almost runs to the choir room.

As soon as he sees Blaine, he plants a quick kiss on his lips with a naturalness that he had lost. As soon as they part, however, Blaine immediately notices the mysterious bruise on his cheekbone.

"Kurt ... what's that?"

"Baby, don't worry: I was walking on the sidewalk near the house and a girl hit me accidentally while greeting and speaking on the phone. It's going to go away with a little ice."

Blaine looks at him with an unconvinced expression on his face, or maybe worse, with the face of a boy who has resigned to be lied to.

"We can begin!" Blaine shouts, turning his face to Kurt and calling everyone to order.

"Guys, I want to talk to you about something, but first I'd like to make an introduction: I have a great time with you," Blaine begins, "you are wonderful friends and I'm glad I could spend wonderful hours with you doing what I love ... but I have to leave. "

The choir room is suddenly filled by the comments that arouse at his words and the first to seek a direct interaction with Blaine is Santana of course.

"Why are you going? And  _where_  are you going?"

"I'm going back to Dalton." Other comments rise, especially among the boys. "I'm going back because I miss my friends, just like you missed Kurt when he moved."

Kurt leans his hand slightly to Blaine's, who shakes it back. Now they expect the worst, but it never comes. Everyone seems to have understood Blaine's reason and they have accepted it. Rachel gets up from her seat, without saying a word, and she hugs Blaine, who holds her tightly maybe because, of all people, she's the one he has bounded the most with and the one he'll miss the most. Suddenly, however, Finn raises his voice, turning to Kurt.

"And you won't say anything?"

"What should I say? I understand and support him ... that's what a boyfriend is supposed to do."

"Okay, just do as you please." Finn says, walking angrily out of the room and leaving everyone speechless. Kurt decides that, when they're going to be back at home, he's going to torment his brother until he gives him a good explanation for that attitude. As for the rest, everything has gone according to plans: hugs, kisses and greetings accompany the last meeting of glee with Blaine, and Rachel, who obviously never misses an opportunity to show off, also decides to offer a gift to Blaine with an original song - that it's not better than  _My Headband_  - to wish him good luck.

When the goodbyes are done, the boys of glee decide that the next day they're going to spit into groups to find a new member for glee.

It's time to talk to Blaine.

Kurt has decided to take him to the park, on a lonely bench, so that if his boyfriend feels like screaming against him – which is surely going to happen - at least he could do that without people staring at them.

They sit in silence, unbearable tension between them. Kurt couldn't find the right words, so he decides to be the more sincere possible.

"Blaine, I need to tell you something. I haven't been honest with you during the last few months …"

Blaine stares at him and then nods, like he wants to tell him to go on. He is wearing the most serious face Kurt has ever seen on him.

"I just put up excuses not to see you, I lied about my schedules, I lied about my feelings. I cheated on you Blaine … with Sebastian."

The bomb is out and now Kurt is patiently waiting for his boyfriend – if he can still call him that – to explode.

"I know." Blaine just says though, his voice sounding so shattered and sad that Kurt can almost feel his own heart breaking into a million pieces.

"Why didn't you …"

"Say anything?" Kurt nods.

"Because I love you, asshole, and I hoped sooner or later you were going to have the guts to tell me and stop going behind my back."

Kurt is shocked: for all this time, Blaine has pretended he believed his lies when he understood exactly what was going on.

"How …" Kurt asks again, stuttering, but he doesn't manage to finish the sentence.

"How did I find out?" Blaine asks and Kurt nods again.

"Let's say you guys haven't been very attentive with your eyes when you met and I was there. Then I decided to follow you when I thought something was up. You stopped in front of Sebastian's place."

"Oh …" It's all Kurt manages to say, his eyes wide awake at the realization.

"Yeah." Blaine just replies.

They stay quit for a few minutes, the fresh wind blowing directly on their skins.

Blaine breaks the silence eventually.

"Did he do that to you?" He asks Kurt, pointing at the swollen sign on his cheek.

"Yeah … I've gone to him this morning to tell him that I didn't want to see him anymore and when I did … he hit me."

Kurt sees Blaine tightening his hands around his own knees; no matter what happened between them, Blaine couldn't stop worrying about him. Kurt feels guilty and before he can think, he's already leaning his hand on Blaine's. He pulls it away immediately though, thinking that Blaine probably doesn't want to be touched by him anymore.

Yet, once again, Blaine surprises him: with his other hand he covers Kurt's before he can pull it away completely. They stay like this, staring at their own hands without even speaking. Neither of them knows what to do.

The more time went by, the more Blaine had convinced himself that he hated Kurt. He had made up a lecture to yell in his face the day Kurt was going to confess, to tell him what a subtle liar he had been; to tell him that he didn't deserve his love. But still, he can do nothing like that, because he loves Kurt, he still loves him no matter what.

"Blaine, there's something else you need to know though … during these months, I … I fell for Sebastian, and I think I might be in love with him still, even now."

Kurt feels Blaine's hand tighten spontaneously around his own. It hurts, he knows that, but he also knows that he wants to be completely honest with him now to give him the chance to decide if he still wants him or not. He needs to know that in his heart there's still a place for Sebastian, and he has no idea how long it would take before it fades.

"I thought so. You never were the kind of guy who just sleeps around."

"I thought you would yell at me, or try to kill me … I would deserve that."

Blaine smiles weakly, his head down.

"When I found out, I would have done that in the beginning. I stayed at home for days." He explains, unable to look up. He knows Kurt is going to understand anyway.

Kurt spreads his eyes.

"The flu …"

"The flu." Blaine confirms, nodding, "The first night I called Cooper. He listened to me and then made me calm. Then I started feeling bad, blaming it on myself, how distant I was from you, the way I'm terribly egocentric, the times I wasn't there for you. Everything just passed through my mind all of a sudden, and I almost understood why you did that; then I realized that if I really loved you, the only way I could make a choice was waiting for you. If I could do that, if I could stand through this until you told me, then I would have been completely sure about my own feeling for you at least."

Blaine fought for him.

The though just makes Kurt feel sicker. He slowly starts crying but he realizes it only when he sees tears falling on his hand, the one free from Blaine's hold.

He has no idea what to say.

"I want you back, Kurt. We will have to build back anything you've destroyed. It's going to take time,  _I_  am going to need time. But if we want to start again, I need to know that your heart belongs only to me."

"I understand that. Blaine … I want what we had back as much as you do, but not now. I would lie to you if I told you I don't feel anything for Sebastian, and I don't want to lie anymore. I've decided that I want to be honest with you and I want to do that for real because you deserve it. You're best person I've ever met and I can't really understand why you want to stay with me even though what happened."

"You're the worst, I know. I hated you, a lot. I'm here, ready to start again but that's only because it's you … and I can see it in your eyes, Kurt. You're not that person you were a month ago, I can see it. That's why I want you to prove me that you're still the amazing awesome man I feel in love with."

Kurt doesn't know what to say anymore. He just looks at Blaine in the eyes, as he's always done, even if this time there's a shade of shame and the acknowledge that he is going to have to fight. And he's going to do that.

If Blaine wants him to prove that he is still himself and they can be KurtAndBlaine again, then he's going to do that.

Suddenly, though, he acknowledges something else too.

"You're going back to Dalton." It's not a question. With Blaine moving there, they won't catch up a lot. Also, Sebastian is at Dalton.

Blaine nods, but he doesn't answer: he perfectly knows what's going through Kurt's mind.

The moments of silence that follow make Blaine realize that the conversation is over. They are going to take their time and they won't push on things to make it all happen faster.

Kurt stands up from the bench absently and without even turning to Blaine, he says: "I know you're probably going to need some time, but I wanted to ask you … can we keep in touch sometimes?"

"Kurt, you're right, I need some time. Maybe moving at Dalton was a right choice at the right timing. I won't kill you though if you text me, but I'd rather have my space. I'll be the one to call you."

Kurt understands that it's time to go after that.

He wasn't expecting Blaine to react like this, but maybe since he has known it for long, he had already gone through a lot to calm down and focus on what really matters, what he truly feels. And then, even though things had gone better than Kurt had expected, he couldn't help but feel sad. Blaine is right though: he must take all the time he needs, he deserves it. He has already been too kind with Kurt.

Facing these simple truths, Kurt remembers the real reasons why he feel for Blaine: he is the type of boy who focuses on the details, he sometimes gets lost on silly things, but when it comes to what matters, he always knows what to do, how to do it and what to say. He is ingenuous, sometimes smug and egocentric, but he's still the best person Kurt has ever met, the best friend he has hoped to have and the best man one could want to love.

His stream of thoughts is interrupted from a throb of his phone.

" _Kurt, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hit you. Come to my place if you want to. Sebastian._ "

Before he can think, Kurt just deletes the text.


End file.
